so, today:

got rained out at sentosa. rain at sentosa = worst thing to happen. no sun, no fun, no chicks, no tan, shivering in the cold rain.

and for that to happen during the little time we've to enjoy after prelims is really, just ultimate. SIGH.

sometimes i wonder if i have ever been a positive thing or have i ever done anything really constructive before. like some ppl, are such a blessing to their friends, to their family, to their ministry or what. but me, i just screw up everything, from friends to family to ministry to even my own life. i wonder if i never existed, would the ppl around me be a much happier bunch? but since the journey has already started, there is no use wishing it never did. neither should i end it because it doesnt make anything better at all. sigh, God why have You created me and placed me where i am just to be like this? or am i just the black sheep u haf to put in to rationalize between good and bad in creation?

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.

She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause Ill never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
f-ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,

You're beautiful,
You're beautiful.
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you.

There must be an angel,
with a smile on her face,
when she thought that I should be with you

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.

just finished the book "the man who fell in love with his wife."

funny title eh? really, it was the title that caught my eye. but i don't regret borrowing that book. a few interesting concepts in there. ok, a quick summary, it is about this catholic priest who never, i repeat NEVER believed in God, who quit his priesthood when he met the girl of his dreams.

first up, the book gave me a new perspective on careers. what's up with studying so hard, and then end up slogging so hard to make someone else's fortune? there are plenty more options than being a workaholic and just trying to up your salary more and more. choose a job u have a passion for. or ur career could end up as just a necessary distraction from the other more enjoyable parts of life.

also, mr ex-priest in the book muses about being "married" to a God that one has never seen, and never really replied in conversations and is barely there at all. well, i cannot say that i agree with that, though it is undeniably true that God really cannot be seen with the eye. but that does not disprove God's existence. in fact, does God need to be seen? for far more wondrous are the things that the eyes do not see.

and about love, of course, my favourite topic recently. well, i must try not to fall in love AT a girl, but WITH a girl. next time, it's gonna be a mutual process, when i get to know someone more, and learn to love her as the most romantic enchanteur takes place. no more falling in buffalooning gawking adoration at a girl. but first, must find the right girl. ah, that proves to be the hardest part. not that the people around me aint good. but no sparks, sparks, sparks you know? or got sparks but no fuel. ah.




and i love the anonymity of library books. like you never know who picked up the book before you, or who is gonna pick the book after you. feels like books should be like that, passed around rather than shelved away in some fellow's personal collection.

so as you can see, this is why i am gonna fail prelims. too caught up in the trappings of a fantasy world.

still, if u've got a good read, please recommend it to me! i am still wanting to get that book "rachel's tears." i've been wanting it forever though i've never really seen it before. and rachel, no if u give me a bottleful of your tears, it wouldn't help. i'd be sad to see u crying so much, really. i want that book!

sometimes i should just grow up. but i do realize i'm growing. haha. just that it isnt an overnight thing, and the journey isn't completed in a single step.

but sometimes, i just don't know how to behave. when my eyes are tinging with green and all, i just try to walk away, but that is probably the last thing i should do. yeaaap, i am just so inept sometimes.

it is a really good thing to be in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. i mean, the world may just think i am some religious freak for typing this, but i can't help but to testify for His name. it is just too good. really, perhaps you shouldn't stay on your side of the line, but you know, walk the line so that you can gain a perspective of the other side. i've been on both sides and on the line too, and now i know which side is best. believe me, you can try it too.

crapped about the "goodlooking" thing at connection time yesterday. come on, who doesn't want to be attractive? i sure want to. but i guess despite of my unattractiveness, i am still a wonderful creation, because of the wonderful Creator. it is up to Him whether he gives me the face of an adonis or the face of a leper, and He has chosen to give me this face. so that's that i guess. i still wish i can be attractive though. haha.

35th anniversary was pretty ok, though i didn't really like the food. it's wonderful to see how much we've grown in the 35 years, though i've been only there for the past one or two, haha. but what is most comforting to see how God is raising up a new generation of dynamic and God-loving,serving leaders. and how our church is really taking proactive steps for growth. well, though once again, i couldnt focus much on the sermon, what was going through my mind pretty much through service was "i belong here." that's where i was saved, and where i would want to come back to when life brings me far away.

by the way, entries here will probably grow pretty sparse, because i am writing a real diary now. like, pen and paper. reason, for privacy, so that it can be archived for my children and my future perusal, and also to improve my handwriting. haha.

ok, God bless you whoever is reading this. and even if i do not act like it, i love you, my friends a lot. prelims and A's are sucking the life out of me. so do be forgiving ok? and if anyone passes by, please leave a tag. actually, why not everyone leave a tag? it'd be a great gesture! thanks you. :))