how is it that i don't find any inspiration to blog nowadays? nthing seems to be interesting. help i'm a damn boring person!

i like jay chou. haha. listening to old chinese songs on my com.. realize that jay chou's older songs are nice. ohhh man. chinese songs are oh-so-emo. i like jay chou. HAHA.

damn i wish i could go overseas at some point in my life. i mean like overseas for a long period, years perhaps, to study. but i know there are plenty of stuff i can't leave behind. like friends, like you and you and you. but if i leave, i get to experience an entirely new culture and can start a new life. and can leave plenty of all the problems i have behind too. but i'll still miss you and you and you. and you.

now i like theresa teng.

ah.

i am so bored.

i've grown pretty sick of food recently. cause been eating at home all the time. but even outside food barely interests me. mmmm. maybe fish and co would. or the rice bowl's beancurd salad thing, or kebab. but doesnt seem so alluring after all.

somebody please buy me everything from my wishlist. well, i know its pretty ex. think it costs abt 3k in total. but, u can contribute one at a time. i don't mind, really.

i dunnoe what to blog about man. i'm bored.

ok, a wishlist:

1. PRS Tremonti SE (yes, it's coming back)
2. Route 69, JH Wah, H20 Liquid Chorus, SD-1, Line 6 Delay Modeller, DynaComp, a new Amp, preferably Marshall or Vox.
3. iPod Nano.
4. Martin Smith attire - Long sleeved shirt, green t-shirt.
5. A good sounding acoustic guitar.
6. Home recording stuff.
7. Plenty of paint and new furniture to make over my room.
8. Lots of new clothes.
9. A few good CDs - Foo Fighters, Lifehouse, SonicFlood.
10. A young and beautiful woman. haha.

ok its over and done with. sometimes i blog about stuff in an abstract way(like the previous entry) so that no one would understand. but maybe this time is should explain.

well, you know all of us have our inner demons we have to fight with? like certain sins and bad attitudes we cannot let go? i found one yesterday, and i never realized though i have always lived with it. God is good. :)

i was pretty bothered by some stuff over the weekend, prelims, studies and all.. and i felt pretty down, especially since i could not go out and play for the next two months. tough, but i really need to study. slacked for 2 years in Jc. unbelievably stupid thing to do. then still feeling down, i read something, and decided that i will not go through each day without knowing God more. because that's what i'm living for. read the bible and all, prayed, and asked God for peace, and to help me out of this depression.

guess what happened this morning when i woke up? i felt like a burden has been lifted off my chest! and i recieved a revelation as well. i've been a spoilt brat most of the time, throwing tantrums when things don't go my way. especially if it's stuff i'm working on. and i am really affected, and act as if God owed it to me to bless my labour. and from 40dop,

its not "Lord, bless what i do," but "Lord, help me to do what you are blessing."

time and again, i have to learn that i am not the centre of the universe. there is one who is sovereign over all. the labourers labour in vain if the Lord is not in it. i guess i've found one attitude i must change. little by little, by the grace of God, i'm getting closer to becoming who He wants me to be. now, i am a assured that He has not given up on me and i don't have to be a jerk for the rest of my life.

indeed, if i look back, many things happen that has shaped me. most of them hurt, but those that hurt most has also been the best defining process in my life.

all this to reveal the glory of the One and Only.

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
- John 1:14



i've to get a notebook. to write a journal in so that i can look back at it when i'm older, or to give to my children to read or something. been putting this off for so long already. remind me please.


gosh i am blogging like i'm not myself. haha.

you were long gone. its time i moved on too.


why should i hold on when the sword's no longer in its sheath?

i'm turning my back on things long gone.

everything fades. familiar faces turn their backs on me too. how about you?

No goodbyes.

this is the point of departure.

so tomorrow is the start of prelims. i'm not prepared yet. not just academically though. prelims is the beginning of the end of my sch life. i just don't feel so ready to go out there to face the world. when i cannot hide behind the collective image of the uniform, or have a backing to stand up for me. and i don't know how i am going to have a social life when i don't get to see my wonderful classmates everyday.

i don't really want to think too deeply now. so lets skip all this moolah.

yesterday was the first time i left bishan for the entire week. went about an hour early for rehearsal to prepare for my 40days discussion and uncle cher(i don't know what to call him) was surprisingly early. then uncle tee wee came quite early too. is it a trend that as you get older you start becoming more and more punctual?

then had 40days, video discussion and all. i was inexplicably talkative to new ppl during ministry fair. talked johnathan into signing up for hoohaa. haha. then dinner, which was pretty bad as it was my first meal of the day and i couldn't eat it all. i think the indigestion problems are coming back. then i borrowed leah's discman and listened to the tree63 album kumweng lent me. it's pretty good. i like the second track, joy. and i think somebody else sang tt song too.

and after that went to church to supposedly help out in some stuff but not much to be done lah. went home and i couldn't sleep. must have woken up like ten times through the entire night. stressed over something, or anxiety or something. ahhh.

so today, service, youth service, lunch then spent a mighty lot of time at macs then come home. and i have to start studying soon. though i am so sleepy because i couldn't sleep last night.

how incredibly boring it is to talk about how i spend my time. maybe its because i have a boring life. siggh. tts the way it'll be till 16th november.