jammed, studied. jamming was fun, accomplished quite a bit in studying.. but it doesnt feel like such a good day.

ah, i don't what to say. what else can i do but believe in better tomorrows?

i'm a fool for believing. i'm a fool for what it costs my life. but i still choose to honour You, God. even if others just trample over me as if i'm a worthless piece of shit, i'm honoured being a stepping stone to your altar, to see your glory.

but if You so please, wont You make it a little more painless?

ppl, i think we should not condemn nkf and snub it completely.

No matter the atrocities of Durai, there STILL are kidney patients who need that aid to survive. They don't deserve to lose that bit of help, especially not to lose it because of someone whom they were a victim of too. Come on, NKF may now look a shady organization, but they do have a good cause. a bad leader, and several millions running around beneath them, it is hard not to be tempted. I do not condone what they did, but i believe the should not be condemned either.

i'd say that NKF should be cleaned up and returned to operations, and the public should forgive and forget. condemnation really does not help anything at all.




my mid years results.

Physics D
Econs D
Math E
GP C5

well, what can i say? again. same as common test, didnt fail anything, but mediocre results. wouldn't be able to get into uni with this. well, i think this is an indication that i have the ability to do it, just that i am not trying hard enough. i will have to. i want my future.

oh yea! i passed the CPSS test. i thought i couldnt after i kept fumbling with the joystick, but God is good! i still got through aniwae. one step closer to being a pilot. i am still undecided whether i want to take it up though. i'll wait to hear God's call.

and i think jealousy is a funny thing. it's not wrong, our God is a jealous God remember? but when jealousy causes you to sin, it is not a good thing anymore. well, i think in a certain area, there are plenty of stuff to get jealous over, but i have decided i will not be jealous. not now aniwaes. for two reasons. one, the subject in question does not belong to me in any sense at all. two, i am not God, i can't handle jealousy, and not sin. so goodbye jealousy. it's never been a good time.

and i wish you wouldnt be so cold.

you'd think in modern civilization, all humans would be toilet trained right?

well, NO!

apparently, somebody around my area doesn't. at the stairwell of my block, on the 2nd floor, there'd frequently be puddles of pee there. Definitely human, from the smell(yes, i can smell it without purposely bending down to) and the quantity. Dogs and cats don't have that much pee. Imagine going to school every morning in long pants every morning, and having to jump over a puddle of yellow, smelly pee.

bad enough? well, really there's more. just today, guess what? there was SHIT there! oh gosh. somebody had better tell this dude/dudette that the staircase, really, as much as you would like to believe it isn't a toilet. sure, there are railings like there are in the elderly toilets, but that is where the similarity ends. you can't count the smell. it smells like that because of ur business there. And, i wonder where this dude/dudette washes his/her hand after the dump. i'm definitely NOT shaking the hands of my neighbours till the culprit is caught.

well, maybe i still am able-bodied enough to jump over the puddle and shit, but you pee-er/shitter, think of the senior citizens who live on the lower floors. they have to hold the railings to get down the staircase, (i hope you don't wipe your hands there), and they prob wouldn't be able to avoid getting their walking sticks/crutches into the puddle. also, think of the poor cleaners who have to clean up your mess every morning. true, it is common for humans to clear the waste for their pets, like dogs, hamsters, rabbits. but u aint no low-life, and u definitely aint adorable!

if it was within my power, i'd catch this culprit, buy him a mighty good feast.

then i would feed him laxative, and lock him in an empty room, with nothing but a toilet bowl. sooner or later, he'd realize that the toilet bowl is the only place he can properly shit in. after this collective work order, i'd give him a coin pouch with lots of 10-cent coins, a roll of toilet paper and send him on his way.

so you stupid pee-er/shitter, come to me will you?





yeaa, went for bible study with willie last night. got me thinking about fear. i said i fear tt one day i'd amount to nothing. but is that really it? it doesnt really feel like fear. like fear so intense that you can only curl up in a corner and do nothing. then willie said from when i was young, he had thought of me as a man without much fear. from the flying fox incident, when i was the first to go on an untested line. noone else had gone before. well, that time i was shaking like crazy la. but i overcame it and went. some ppl still come and dig me for that nowadays, but i don't really mind. i met fear and got over it. some ppl still haven't. well, back to the point, i still don't know what i really fear.

and i am kinda spared from all the extremes of the emotional spectrum also. like the judo comp, everyone else was so nervous and cheering madly and everything, but i was just sitting there watching. i dunnoe. have i become very numb? well it is a good thing to be able to remain clear-headed in tense moments, but it is another not being able to experience them emotions.

and another thing, he made the comment that i think too much with my head, and should go with what the spirit leads sometimes too. i realize that it is quite true. sometimes, and i am so self-dependent, that i don't really let go and let God lead. and just today, someone else told me not to worry too much. ok, i realize that i need to learn how to just put my trust in God.

faith. Lord, give me a good measure of that.

bad day..

forgot my tie, and my pe attire. was too distracted by something else la. i thought just go to school and study, but forgot that we are going through a holistic education, and so forgot the tie and attire.

then pe, did that weird dance again. no pe break for me, wanted to go up and do work. went up to class and talked to maryanne a bit about some stuff. hahaa, i think i am not as secretive as i used to be. yea, it does feel better to not be alone in everything. but maybe i am confiding in just too many ppl.

physics lect, my throat was burning. damn, i hate i don't get a sore throat. haven't recovered properly from the last one. and at math, i just wanted to curl up and die. being feverish in an LT at like 14degrees, i felt like the furless polar bear.

yeaa, and my mind was going somewhere with my stupid negative thinkings again, then i opened my diary at the end of the sch day, and saw my ancient book mark. the love verse was on it, and i felt so much better. :) somehow, all the troubling and jealousy in my spirit was calmed by words that were written thousands of years before. amazing huh? if anyone of you seeks some peace, i'd recommend God. don't know how to prove it. but why don't you try it? i did and i am all better than before.

ok, the verse:

"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

that is all i want to do for you. i hope it does not come off in a wrong way alright?


i am not perfect. God is. and only Him.