judo boys are in the finals! wow quite amazing, beating rj.. proud of them. well, i'm not in the team. haha. reason: i slacked since last year. my attendance aint even 50% and i'm not even that good aniwaes. but that's really fine with me, because my passion isn't judo. if my heart isn't in it, i don't give much effort. if my heart is, i give too much. plus point or minus, your call.
looking at uni courses lately. came down to four choices.
1. Social Science at SMU (sociology)
2. Social Science at NUS (sociology)
3. Music Tech at Lasalle-SIA
4. Law at NUS
well, 3 out of 4 of them aint got much money, but it is the same 3 i have an interest in. social science, should be able to qualify if i don't screw my A's. as for music tech, it isnt really a music degree, as in u graduate to become a rock star. kinda like studio techs, composers, sound engineers and stuff. really wouldn't mind a career in that field. but for now, would need to see if i am good enough in music for that kinda thing. so will be putting more effort in it from now on.
i wonder if i should follow my heart, or go for the money. there are factors to be considered. for example law, i can't even get through their website without getting bored. ok, i may not even qualify for it from my A's, but what's the harm of thinking about it. yea, if i follow my heart, i could probably be a lot happier. or get jaded at the end of it. also, if i end up being poor, must consider whether my lifepartner in the future and the family we build can be happy with being comfortably sufficient, and not being super rich.
ok, enough of incessant worrying. what say you? anyone.
i am in love with the waaka waka sound u get when u play rhythm guitar with a slight overdrive. ok, what you do, is turn on a little overdrive. you'll need a strat, set it to between the bridge pickup and middle pickup. roll down the tone for middle to about 7. then with a deft combination of moves between ur left and right hand, play the intro for everyday - hillsongs. haha.
played soccer after pe. haha kinda fun tho our team was much weaker. but just having any fun anyways, so who cares. we even won a maatch! but consequence is feeling sticky for the rest of the day in school.
yea, u know as a kid, you probably just snatched toys from ur friends and didnt care about their feelings. but now we're bigger and toys aren't just toys anymore. if u'd call me friend, i'd greatly appreciate that you spare some consideration for ppl around you. once was bearable. second time to someone else, fine then. third time, to the same someone else, it is getting unbearable. fourth time(or more, i didn't really keep count) you come back to me, maybe we as ur friends shud break our silence.
and something else,
laddeededa
gosh i am
still confused.
turned on the radio when i came home today. first words?
I know that you are something special To you, I'd be always faithful I want to be What you always needed Then I'll hope you see the heart in me You might need time to think it over But I'm just fine moving forward I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance I'll never make you cry c'mon let's try I don't want another pretty face I don't want just anyone to hold I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul You're the one I wanna chaseYou're the one I wanna hold I won't let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
went to school and came home to study today. didn't go for joshua's bday celebrations after sch. feels quite bad. but if u're reading this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA FUNG! yea ex-seating partner. haha hope u have a happy birthday and watching derek wet his pants as he got wassuped in ur place.
feeling rather down actually. first day of school. and tried getting off to a good start by coming home to study. it is the first time in years that i am doing my hmwk in the afternoon. but yea, sch starts, and i'm missing some things already.
it is scary how much i want something. bothers on the obsessive, and i've been trying to keep it in. this doesnt usually take this long to get over. it could probably come close to a year. it is close to it already. is it wise to make decisions based on this? when in the end it could result in nothing at all. a moment of folly is regrettable, but this long, it is really down to all or nothing at all.
oh, help.
wowee my last youth day is over. feels quite wasted actually. oh sigh.. could have been more youthful today i guess.
borrowed this book from angie's cupboard today. "the heart of an artist." just like 10 pages in, i am totally enthralled by it. the author seems to understand exactly what it is like to be us. and for once, it feels ok to be a melancholic. and it seems acceptable for me to be who i am. whoa. and the issues he discussed, finally seems like someone on my side of the river, like someone understands. here's a beautiful quote he quoted.
"But then, no artist is normal. If he were, he wouldn't be an artist. Normal men don't create works of art. They eat, sleep, hold down routine jobs, and die. You are hypersensitive to life and nature; that's why you are able to interpret for the rest of us. But if you are not careful, that very hypersensitiveness will lead you to your destruction. The strain of it breaks every artist in time."
- Irving Stone, Lust for life.
never been able to properly accept that my sensitiveness could actually be a gift. maybe it all started years ago, when a girl told me i was too sensitive and i've tried to suppress it ever since. but now, i can lay claims that God created me this way, and i can be myself. it can actually be ministering to others.
another quote:
"For this reason
(feeling deeply and passionately about all that is sacred and dear to God) artists very often speak out against injustice, inequality and hypocrisy. They take up the cause of those who are suffering. They make us more sensitive to the lost and lonely and to the plight of the downtrodden."really explains a lot that is going on in my life.
ok, another thing, i bought the corrine may cd today! making it the first non rock or worship cd i ever bought. cudn't wait for my dear evil stepmum to pass it to me, though i am probably just one day away. but still, i think she is a worthy cause to support. the previlege of an artist is being able to reach out from his/her own heart, into another's. though there is probably no guitar in the entire album, she does it for me. and i love it. corrine may is a lyrical genius too. her lyrics are just, wow. if anyone wants to borrow, tell me ok? if not, i'll be recommending it to ppl and force them to borrow it. haha.
school properly starts tmr. which is good i guess, as i can finally go back to school and take my mind off things. the routine of anticipating weekends throughout the week then wasting it away is sometimes enjoyable, as it replaces my pain with some kind of other. oh yadayada. sigh. given how lousy i am with girls, i'll probably end up having to marry a vietnamese bride or smthing. life's sad. damn.
been rather tired lately, for no reason at all. mid yrs are over, and i'm just at the end of a month long holiday. i should be fresh at this moment really.
church was fine yesterday. though somehow, i didnt get the sermon at all. haha can't remember anything from it. and for worship, i played quite differently. learnt to play the song in this certain way, but had to change it coz uncle tee wee didnt like the distortion sound, and i shud think most of the congregation doesnt also, since it is quite a senior crowd. and i've learnt that worship isnt about me, but about that who we are nothing compared to, so decided to give up my personal preferences. yea, made me realize my inadequacies playing like the acoustic rhythm kind of thing. gonna have to touch up on that since i am gonna be at 8am for quite a long while more anyway.
went shopping after that. got a new bag. don't know if i should get the corrine may or lifehouse cd still. come to think of it, i am actually rather broke for july. better start spending less so i wont be poor at the end of the month. shopping's funny. guys get tired way faster than girls do at shopping, and it is quite the opposite in everything else. haha. felt quite bad about something anyway.
well tmr, school starts. got a one week extension to my holidays but it all must end isnt it? will have to be very focused on my study next term. it is time to give my education that one last shot.