bugger. saturday nights.. there's always something to be happy about.

parkview square is beautiful. went there with jx n kai today. very arty architecture and the ambience inside is whoa! giant butterflies fluttering outside. gargoyles with crystal balls up there. but it feels like a damned beauty. beautiful but underused?

bugger i don't want to be a bad influence to ppl who read my blog. bugger bugger bugger. i better be a bit proper.

No doubt - Running

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most

I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

[Chorus:]
Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

today's training was a good escape for three hours. but like a drug high it doesn't last. as i stepped off the dojo, i was thinking "here i go, back to face my problems again.."

you know something? i wished everyone can be a little less selfish. everytime you guys make decisions, do you even think of me? even if i appear nice, and try so hard to be selfless, can you not take advantage of it? can't you even spare a thought for how i feel? i mean its ok to be a joke for everyone to laugh at, or be the sucker to sacrifice my own interests so that others are better off, but at the end of the day, why can't you guys understand that despite all the jokes and "i'm ok-s" i have needs too. i know i am a christian and i try to be like Jesus, but there is only a certain limit to which i can bend. beyond that i'll break, and i am reaching it already. look, i'm not Jesus.

ok go ahead and judge me and flame me and bitch about me. i am not saying i am all so wonderful and nice. i know i am not. but i am trying very hard. ok? i suck at this but i'm frikkin trying. it's not easy anyhow. i hope u'd understand. but you don't, because if you did i wouldn't be in so much pain now.

ok God bless you.

sports carnival was hella fun! sat around most of the day.. not registered for any sports or event but ended playing for a half for floorball and i scored a goal! yay! haha. would have been moping around all day about how hot or boring it is if not for that.

our class did quite well.. 2nd overall. well thanks to all the long distance runners like ganesh, louis, joshua, marian, and evil step mummy. wah man yun is impressive. from last to 2nd in 4 x 400.. we could have gotten first overall, if the referee had not screwed up our match for floorball. 2-1 i say. where did the mysterious 2-2 come from? and netball too had we been a little luckier. oh wells, we were good, did not have the luck but i guess everyone's a hero. :)

and then to holland v for thai express. food's good, kwee paid. everybody's happy. there's a tinge of guilt somewhere in there too. we were noisy as usual. and lame and crappy and fun. tt's t19.. and i broke the chair! damn i'm getting fat. hahaaha. then tai's hse. wow he has a big and frikkin cool house. yea tai if u r reading this thanks for being a good host!

tt was a fun day.

Take everything left from me
All to blame
How can we still succeed, taking what we don't need
Telling lies, alibis, selling all the hate that we breed
Supersize our tragedy (you cant define me, or justify greed)
Bought in the land of the free (land, free)

And we're all to blame
We've gone too far
From pride to shame
We're trying so hard
We're dying in vain
We're hopelessly blissful and blind
To all we are
We want it all with no sacrifice

Realize we spend our lives living in a culture of fear
Stand to salute and say thanks to the man of the year
How did we all come to this (you cant define me or justify greed)
It's greed that we just can't resist (resist)

And we're all to blame
We've gone too far
From pride to shame
We're trying so hard
We're dying in vain
We're hopelessly blissful and blind
To all we are
We want it all
Everyone wants it all with no sacrifice

Tell me now, what have we done, we don't know
I can't allow what has begun to tear me down
Believe me now, we have no choice left
With our backs against the wall

And now we're all to blame
We've gone too far
From pride to shame
We're hopelessly blissful and blind
When all we need
Is something true
To believe
Don't we all
Everyone
Everyone
We will fall
Cause we're all to blame
We've gone too far
From pride to shame
We're trying so hard
We're dying in vain
We want it all
Everyone
Don't we all


ahh. i don't think i can hold out much longer. oh GOD. look here dude! you know i am reaching it. probably this IS it. i know You are good, but i really cannot hold it much longer, waiting for grace or mercy. true, salvation is the biggest gift. but i cannot just keep my eyes on that. i don't know how to be so selfless. i don't like it that i feel that i can be so much more and yet is restricted to such a puny field to work. i don't know much humility nor love nor compassion nor patience. i am not you!

this week seems like it's gonna be a bitch though it is only 4 days. 2 tests tommorrow, econs case study and math.. have to pass math this time.. failed a stupid test the last time though i could have gotten full marks for it. well, was doing after school by myself cause i missed the original test date.

then thursday, think i will have to go training.. because i skipped training today to study. oh wells, i'm giving up on the judo comps anyway since most likely i won't be taking part. they do have enough good players.. and i will definitely be missing a lot of trainings next month as i will be overseas or at camp. judo isn't what my life is anyway so i guess that's ok. it's just kinda sad being in a cca and not achieving anything. i'm usually at the other end of the spectrum. wait, i do have one pathetic medal though. hahaaha.

friday's sports carnival.. not taking part in anything this year. still have to go anyway. ahh. then it's my wonderful long weekend, which will be filled with rehearsals and recce-ing. gonna squeeze in lots of study too, within this two weeks before i crash for one and a half week off at camp and m'sia..

oh sigh. am listening to this chinese song.. by ping guan - qing ni xiang xing wo. i wonder why love loathes me. as in the romantic kind. never been in a happy relationship before. i do hope the first will last for a lifetime. ahhh. i shouldn't think about this right now. ok, another instance of biting my lips till the skin come off again. gonna make it through!