E E E.

i'm the most disgusting guy in class.. like eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

oh man. this is the crappiest result i've ever gotten. like sometimes i at least get an F, or a B + an F. still better than E E E..

what E E E means i can't go to uni, and can't stay in jc too coz i've a full A level cert.. and it's like i actually passed everything just barely, which either implies i tried very hard but is stupid, or is smart but didnt try too hard. and pretty much its like a jack of all trades and a master of none. just that jack is not jack, it's jack-ass.

oh man i really need to get motivated like right now. ok target for mid yrs,

triple Bs...

gonna get there somehow. it's not a choice anymore.. i HAVE to or my life's very screwed. if its discipline i need, i'm gonna get disciplined.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. i'm gonna fight a battle that can be won.

when all your love is gone,
this is when i start missing you..

its chewing me at the back of my head, deep inside my heart.
somehow it feels like my life will never be complete without you.
it's an irony that i have just started back on my journey,
acknowledging that God is all i want to live for, and Jesus' all i need.
yet when the thought of you spending the rest of ur days with another man,
of you being someone else's precious and special friend,
this is when i start missing you.

and this feeling's intense, and it isn't letting me go..

from the looks of it, i am never gonna play for yf.. when ppl say maybe later, or i'll look into it, it mostly never comes. hahaa.. i know cause i used to brush off ppl this way too. now i'm so guilty.. and the way side dishes are delivered, i guess i get it lar. fine so 8am it shall be. it won't stop me worshipping God or playing music. :)

i've decided not to get depressed over this.. worship is a wonderful thing, don't let the odour of the person next to you get you distracted. i mean this figuratively of course..

and i think there are lots of different sorts of worship. like worship doesnt have to be music. for eg, a person can make a piece of craft and offer it to God as an act of worship, kinda like how burnt offerings are made. worship is giving to God what He so very much deserves. of course we will never be able to fully fulfil tt, but God has already set a quota for us, which i guess is achievable, depending on whether you want it or not.

Romans 12:1: Therefore, i urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - This is your spiritual act of worship.

and if you need a modern day illustration, i guess take all of me by hillsong kinda sums it up.

funny how i am finding solace in a book that i couldn't be bothered to read last time. it is like the only place i can find solace now.. sigh, only when the world falls apart, do i realize that God and His book are the only things that matter much.

I think i hit a raw emo nerve cause i've been like this for the past few days.. but in an appreciative way. right now, i am kinda into listening to songs, and hearing what they have to say.

and i think God is good to me all along, and i realized it today.

Thanks Clarence for opening the invitation to me to the e team dinner.. i may not go in the end but the invitation was really good enough. like someone down here actually appreciates what i did, particularly for Oasis "live!" i had seriously thought that nobody cared about it at all, other than God of course.

and now i know God will never never ever let me go. I love Him. He ROCKS MY WORLD.

if you think i am some weird religious freak after reading my blog, then let me say this. yes, i am. I am very much in love with my Creator (who is your Creator too) now. Thank You for pulling me back.

on another note, there was a moment of magic today. occured by accident. sigh, i don't know what to think of it.. if it is an accident, why did God let it happen again? He knows it could probably hurt me again. i know it is just that so i shouldn't too much about it.

hope you are still tuning into this black and dark blog. cause there may be a wonderful life behind it after all.

Hallelujah.
&
Amen.