one of those nights when i miss a lot of things again..

old friends
people
younger days
carefree days
old school
innocence
care

don't know, don't want to say.

i just wanna run away!

haha.. been trying to sing.

WAH alex band's voice is CRAZY. i think he literally squeezes ball when singing. just listen to could it be any harder or stigmatized.

now, if only i could sing like him.. hahaa. tt'd be a fantasy.

was kinda happy towards the end of sch today. haha. esp after GP compre. so glad to haf put in a good week of school. well, school can be fun sometimes. :p especially when u really work and try, it doesnt seem to be tt bad.

am i getting weird? haha.

sigh, but kinda sad coz everyone in cls is kinda like unmotivated. it's like the class is dead during lessons. and i know sooner or later i'll burn out too, then they'll be motivated. then i'll die a slow painful death.. haha. but yea, go 2t19!

this weekend seems rather rough.. whole day of judo orientation tmr, then maybe off to alpha at night. and soccer min on sunday, tt'll make a very tired me, free only after sunday afternoon. and i have plenty of work to catch up on.

seriously, what are we gonna do for rocka ah? its weird we always cant choose songs. maybe cause i rarely listen to songs with female vox. hahaa. guys rule at this game. but hey, lets rock rocka!

random thoughts running through my mind:

1. the sense in having counselling for criminals sentenced to death. i see a lot of sense in it, really. especially a place for religious counselling.

2. a certain someone. it's funny you are so nice. haha. you rock lar.

3. a certain someone else. recently been having funny thoughts that if i were in love with you, it would be not bad. but well, in our current state, it wouldn't work somehow.. hehe. :/

4. how much i used to hate corny love songs. they are sweet yes, but kind of senseless and stupid.

5. and how much i still hate them a little now.

6. isaac lim is a great pe teacher. i think he took philosophy in uni.

7. isaac lim's two poisons.. laziness and lack of courage. i will need to overcome them if i am to be successful in life. well, sort of the laziness part la. i need major discipline.

8. if i will be happy if i don't turn out to be a successful person.

9. if my music will actually go anywhere in life. i think i am happy just continuing learning and making it.. cause it is the very expression of life. i'm living it. ;p

10. tomorrow. 2 tests, econs mcq and GP compre. gonna study for econs mcq. i'm gonna at least try man. and then jamming with paradox, which i probably can't go for, cause they wanna jam at 12, and my sch ends at 130.. seriously screw u guys man. have fun, i can't be there.

11. i somehow planned to study at 930.. i better go now and start the discipline thing. heh. cya!

sigh i cant believe it! i broke the low E string of a BASS guitar.. woohoo! i must be the first guy to do it.. haha..

well broke it while tuning.. couldn't have been overtuned lar.. the string wasnt like exceptionally tight.. shrugz. oh well, will have to help ben tay go get his bass restringed and pay for it, since its my fault aniwaes.. sigghh.. wat a blow when i'm saving money to get an effects pedal. well, donations to save the ko0n fund is open.. contact me for details. hhaaha...

think rocka's gonna be cool.. got quite a few good bands in cj this year, esp tt xiao an's band.. they're good.. and of coz there's us, the band tt never practise.. hahaa.. but makan istemewa's disappointing this year lar. sigh.

really tired. have to study the delusional rantings of mr keynes before sleeping..

oh well. cya!

Sweet Mercies - David Ruis Copyright Mercy Publishing (1995)

It's our confession Lord,
That we are weak
So very weak
But You are strong

And though we've nothing Lord
To lay at your feet
We Come to your feet
And say help us along

A broken heart and a contrite spirit
You have yet to deny
Your heart of mercy meets with love strong courage
Let the river flow
By your spirit now
Lord we cry

Let your mercies fall from heaven
Sweet mercies flow from heaven
New mercies for the day
Oh shower them down Lord as we pray

if u r feeling f-ed up like i was, please take some time to read through the lyrics above.. ask for the mp3 if you need. and i'll be available to talk if you need.

God i love You for Your many wonders, and for what You've done and will do for me.
I can only bow my all and say You are God.

life seems so bleak now.. nthing really special to look forward to..

the weekly routines suck. school, judo sometimes, rush hmwk, alpha, service, cg.. nthing is really exciting. sigh..

church doesnt feel the same as before. can't feel the buzzzz like smthing great is gonna happen right now.. maybe things are different.. maybe i'm different now. gotta admit took quite a blow from one of the sermons in jan, and over some circumstances also.. yeap. even not finding much joy in playing for worship now too.. maybe its the novelty wearing off, or because certain sins are drawing me back from God, or maybe because of circumstances again.. yea. really want to hear smthing else other than the drums n keyboards dominated worship music TPMC always has. but yea Lord, show me Your way. i'm willing to go Your way.

school's well, school. teachers can be really a bitch sometimes. Math tutorials take up so much time. cant they frikkin slow down the syllabus a little? its no joke having to finish 3 tutorials of approx 15 qns in a week man.. maths taking up so much time and i have been neglecting my other subs, particularly econs.. sigh its only feb and fatigue is setting in. already screwing up this early and it's my A's year..

common test in 2 weeks time. already heard tt we're gonna go through major slaughters this year.. oh well. do wat u like. i'll just do the best i can, and if its not enough for ur standards, then screw u. yea i think i'll need help for physics again, so friend if u're reading this, you still available?

its vday tomorrow.. seems like my love life is always at its lowest at this period for every year of my life. sigghh.. i have NEVER had a happy vday before. NEVER had someone i can smile about during vday.. why?

sometimes i think my life is so mucked up coz u're not in my life. something's missing everyday.. maybe i'm missing a friendship tt i screwed up coz of my own selfishness. things could be happier right now.. but honestly, i guess it's just me. it's my fault tt i made those decisions, it's because of my own weak heart that i miss you.

shucks i don't wanna think about this in public anymore.

everybody... just have a great valentine's day alright? the most commercialized day in history. haha. haf lots of fun! and tell me about it alright. a poor lonely soul here needs to hear some love.

haf a good vday.

i really don't what to do ,
don't know how to go on anymore.
i'm tired of screwing up everything i do,
maybe i will be seeking help soon.