think i shouldn't blog about private matters too much. unless it is constructive to someone, cause this is a public blog anyway. oh well until i figure how to lock my blog tt is.

haha.. realize i always play too loud when in the worship hall... acoustic or electric, i'm always too loud. maybe its because in the sanctuary, always haf to fight to be louder just to hear myself. worship hall, amps right in front of congregration, so they hear what i'm hearing. must put softer tmr for alpha. actually i'd prefer it loud and all.. but hey this is God and God's ppl. i must decrease so He can increase.

and the sunrise is spoilt. the fret buzzing is kerazee. i get scared esp when i haf to play the open D. so i try to play it softer. hahahaa..

oh well, pray for alpha camp tmr (saturday) pray for God to be with us at camp.
and pray for soccer ministry (sunday)
and pray for me too can? i need to say a big sorry to God.

hungry at 12MN. sigh.. wat to do.

haf fun ppl.

"the life you are living is another person's dream. you are living someone's dream."
- quote isaac lim, PE teacher, CJC. not exact. may elaborate in the future.

just gotten some mp3s from metallica's S&M album.. what can i say.. AWESOME. last time it was alterbridge tt made my jaw drop.. nw alter bridge pales in comparison. my jaw hit the ground. hahaa..

if anyone is going to m'sia over the CNY or smthing, please tell me.. help me get tt album from there can? :)

been doing funny things are thinking funny thoughts lately.

first off, took 1 hour to get home after judo yesterday. reason? stoned at tp central bus stop after topping up farecard, waiting for less crowded bus. and then got off at beatty bus stop to walk home. purposely wanted to walk through the lor 8 market. its funny how different things are now. 1 year after we left that place, it looks really different now. a weird sense of distantness now, n the place seems to be lacking in.... life?

on the way thought about the problems i faced in yesteryears, when i was using tt route to get home everyday.. the problems seems small now, not as big as back then.. and i know one day the problems i face today will actually seem small, when i face bigger problems in the future..

and i thought about the anti-permanence of everything.. one year after i left secondary school, i am like totally out of tt community.. the ppl i mix with now, are so different from the ppl i used to hang out with. with the exception of the stones guys, i hardly have any contact with the sec sch peeps anymore. i wonder if the same will happen when i leave cj.. its also funny how the first girl that broke my heart and i thought i couldnt live without is so completely out of my life now.. i don't talk to her anymore, neither do any of my friends. weird how i used to feel. just silly. and the current me would never ever fall for a girl like that.

talking about girls, i think i appear damn despo. in school its always like hey this girl is cute, hey tt girl is cute! but yea. i guess the difference is i wouldn't want to marry the girl i think is cute, but as for the girl that i like, its someone i would wanna wanna wanna wanna marry n spend a happy rest of my life with.

ok on today, sch was ok.. short day, less stressed as i caught up with work a little more. actually a hella more lar. and i slept early last night so i wasnt tt tired.. cross country ran like crap. slow here and there, fell in the forest and scraped my knee.. haha. looked pretty bad with mud and blood flowing down.. but just ran anyway. lucky i didnt drop out, or i'd haf looked like a wimp. it was just a tiny cut. wondered how come so much blood came out of it..

been feeling really weird lately. feeling kinda alienated or distant from ppl around me. i don't feel very real.. i don't feel very me either. and i spend time stoning, thinking funny thoughts about my friends. someday i'll publish those thoughts. haha. not now though or it'll be called bitching.

yea wondering if i am backsliding.. and been thinking questions of holiness.. wat makes a christian man? living the way the church wants us to or the way God desires. seeing some things that are happening, maybe because of preferences, views of the church leaders. i don't really know. got to ask God. i still love God a lot anyways :

just woke up.. slept in the evening coz was too tired. haha. my eyes were getting really blurry.. so yea gonna do some work later on..
1.integration 2
2.numerical soln
3.GP AQ

tts all i'll do tonight i think. got physics to do but i think i'll do it tmr.. i'm REALLY REALLY behind in my physics. need some help to catch up ah. need some time also.

was in a really bad mental state last night. i just bitched a damn lot to God. i'm so ashamed now lar. in a way, job is a surprisingly strong man despite having such a blessed life. i curse my own blessed life and get angry with God. gosh i suck.

had jamming with *fragile today.. quite fun lar. but i think we need much more pract for my immortal.. haha. i keep dreaming then when its the band's turn to kick in i forgot. my redeemer lives rocked though. grrooovy. 7 ppl in the studio today. crazy lar. haha. and cheryl, i didnt purposely want to hit ur face. blame it on all the wires hanging around. hope u enjoyed the shock tho. haha.

ok later last night, i was listening to this song and thought it must be quite real to my friends outside school.. guess it may be tough out there, outside school eh? but yea, don't lose ur identity in tt world. you must continue to be you! don't let the world shape u in a bad way alright?

here are the lyrics to the song//

matchbox 20 - hand me down

Someday they'll find your small town world
On a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk
When they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of your shell
'Cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie
Better than the truth
They'll tell you everything
You wanted someone else to say
They're gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I've seen
You're just one more hand me down
'Cause no one's tried to give you
What you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody oughta take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once do you think that they would lie
When they're holding you
Then you wonder why they haven't called
When they said they'd call you
You'll start to wonder
If you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think
You were born blind

I'm here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
When living ain't easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no

Someday they'll open up your world
Shake you down to the drawing board
They'll do their best to change you
They still can't erase you

(Chorus)
Lay them down on me
Oh yeah
You’re just one more hand me down
And all those nights
Don't give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
On me