whoaa.. busiest week of this year. tests, tutorials, revision. 3rd or 4th week of sch? the load's killing me. already felt like i couldnt go on on thurs..

friday(today), the fatigue was killing me. nearly fell asleep while doing my GP test. hahaa.. write halfway, my eyes went blur and my head drooped. nearly hit the table n i quickly got up again.

some weird coincidences happened this week. think don't wanna say what lar. not very nice... haha. whats past is past so forget it eh?

going training tmr. think will get thrashed by everyone.. too long nv train already..

realize i need to watch what i type in this blog. i may unknowingly cause ppl to feel down coz of my emo-lism.

haha. i'm really really tired right now. weekends are tight too. must make it a point to squeeze in time for hmwk and revision.. there's alpha n breakthru this weekend.

phew.. done with the weekdays.. now on to the weekend!

Mest - Jaded (These Years)

There's a time and place for everything
There's a reason why certain people meet.
There's a destination for everyone
Whats the explaination when we're done...

All the summer nights, spent wondering,
So many questions asked, but no one's answering
Would it be ok if I left today?
Took my chances on what you said was wrong.

I'm jaded, stupid and reckless
Not sorry, when I'll never regret,
These years spent so faded and reckless
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years
I'll never regret these years...

Now here I sit, so far away
Remembering all the memories
It's times like these that I miss you most
Remembering when we were so close

I'm jaded, stupid and reckless
Not sorry, and I'll never regret,
These years spent so faded and reckless
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years

I'll never forget the places we've been, you and I
Our lives, are slipping away, dont want to let time pass us by, bye...

Im jaded, stupid and reckless
Not sorry, and I'll never regret,
These years spent so faded and reckless
Not sorry, and I'll never regret these years
I'm jaded stupid and reckless
not sorry and ill never regret....
These years...

hey i don't have much time left as a teen anymore.

ko0n.

sigh. you don't know how much i'd give up to be with you.

and you don't know how much more i'd give to see you leading your happy self-sufficient life without my intrusion.

because i am clumsy, and i tend to break things as i go.

because however much i want to, i can't go slow.

a problem shared is a problem solved,

but this is one i am making my own.

i'll have to take this pain alone.

but i'll be strong. i have to go on.

move on?

disclaimer: inspired by tears in heaven by eric clapton. and a certain special you. unless you are that certain special you(you know who you are), it has nothing to do with you.

i'm still trying to lead a God honouring life. Through His power.

But God, i beg You not to let this happen twice. Your child cannot take the heartbreak.

ko0n/

thinking i may be happier living without a certain aspect in my life right now. afterall, there is so much more to live for. and for certain things, it really isn't in my hands. so i'll just be myself in that situation. yes just myself and nothing more. the rest? as the Lord leads.

i need to live my life properly from now on.. it has become a NEED, not a want. no more slacking and wasting my life, no more hankering uselessly after things, no more whining. u know what? i realized that there really isn't a lot to whine about. :p

so yeap. live it up!

typed a lot of tags today, but nv posted them.. sigh. i'm not quite myself today.

fell asleep in the afternoon.. well, half asleep that is.. and i've got a headache till now. i cannot take naps or i'll get bad headaches... haha. maybe tts why i nv sleep in cls..

school's bad. physics test tmr.. waves and superposition.. die i tell you. i freakin dunnoe how to do superposition. guess just fail this test and learn again when we get back papers lar.. gonna work at it later though. not going down without a fight...

listening to a song now.. "sing of your great love - hillsongs"

"and the trumpet will sound, all of heaven sing.. the time has finally come... for the Bride to, take her place.. and we'll hear the angels sing"

the Bride(notice the capital B) doesn't refer to getting married.. it's actually a symbolism of Jesus' second coming. all the talk of how it could be OUR generation scares me.. if it is, i may not get to experience death.. not that i'm looking forward to it lar. but there is no excuses to give if my loved ones go to hell.. i cannot say "i died, i tried. the ppl who are still alive will do it." because it may just end with me.

the second coming may be something to rejoice over.. after all we end our struggles with this earth and move on to heaven, where we can find our everlasting peace. but i can't get the joy.. not when my parents, my friends, ppl around me, lousy ppl, great ppl may not make it to heaven... i don't want to live my life and realize i didn't do enough when the time comes. i don't want to spend my life on this earth for nothing. sighh..

think i'm gonna be less crappy in sch now.. moody me. too much to think about, too much that i need to do.. my life didn't come free.. someone died for it.

today shufang was probing about why i don't go training on saturday.. told her i was in church. and the conv was something something lar. can't remember. haha.. yea but i guess i need to make a point.. i'm not attending a service on saturday.. i'm actually serving, or doing stuff in church.. being christian is not about attending service and stuff. yeap there's a whole lot more to it.. i guess pple may think u go in pray to God, sing songs walk off and that's all there is to being a christian. but there's the giving part too, where u give something to someone. and why i skip training for church? well, firstly i don't like judo.. so yeap i'm unmotivated to train.. sorry about that. it's just a bad decision i made a year ago. got to somehow live with it i guess.. and secondly, i'd choose church over school anytime, because christianity is more than a religion to me. it is my love story. all my life's in it.. guess it may peeve some ppl off or smthing, but yeap it's something you wouldnt know unless you come experience it for urself.. and of coz it aint exclusive. anyone who wants to can come and ask about it.. would love to share abt it.. yes, really.

think the last para sounded bad. haha. sorry.. it just sounds tt way.. :p

and i'll leave you with the song. read through the lyrics, ask for the mp3 if you wanna listen to it alright?

ok putting up my msn again.. add me if you need anything alright? and much appreciated if you sms me first before adding. coz my contact list is full so gotto find some space if needed.

ai_koon@hotmail.com

Sing of Your great love - Hillsong

All that is within me Lord
Will bless Your Holy name
I live my life to worship You alone
You brought me out of darkness
And into Your glorious light
Forever I will sing of Your great love
Forever I will sing of Your great love

I love to see You glorified
To see You lifted high
I yearn to see all nations bow their knees
It's You alone Lord Jesus
Who can cause the coldest heart
To find Your love and everlasting peace
To find Your love and everlasting peace

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord

Your trumpet will sound
And all heavens will know
That the time has finally come
For the bride to take Her place
And we'll hear the angels sing

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord

the gp's teacher talk abt persona and person is seriously screwing my mind.. starting to actually believe what he is saying.. though i'd still much rather prefer a world with person, not personas. hahaa. me and my world.

and growing up, i'm starting to realize that maybe it's not so good to wear my heart on my sleeve. coz 1, i'm not even sure what my heart says, 2, nobody else does.. the persona problem again... argh.

tmr jeremy will be gone.. hazel's coming back.. hopefully life won't be hell with tt.. at least now i think i haf a chance of actually scoring GP with the two's totally different approach combined.

my toe hurts.. as in it really does. been sore since friday or smthing.. dammn. got mockfa (mock napfa) tmr.. think i'll go blow it so tt i can get the intensive training cj offers..

and the charity concert thing.. dunnoe how's fragile gonna do. we always procrastinate until like the last week then go pract. sigh.. but really wanna play a BIG rock show..

i'm still waiting to gig with paradox. tt's the gig i most most most most want. when are we gonna get the chance?

feels weird. i'm happy now.. :D

phew.. glad it's finally over.

we won't always have things our way i guess.. but i'm out of the darkness now! i can live in the light again.. :D

and i still have God with me...

and that's all that i need.


on love:
"if it was a choice, i'd have chosen to never fall in love. but there's really no choosing when the feelings in your heart goes wild. being made by a God of love, i cannot say that love is a curse. it's a blessing. through the purest love, the world was saved. it's the strongest kind of feeling in the world. and i'm glad God has allows us the to love."