everybody's sad tonight..

sigh. i feel sad for everybody too.. and i feel kinda lousy for myself too.

now i'm uncertain as to whether i can handle it. thought up this lame phrase.. "rejection is an everyday emotion"

maybe we need to learn to live with not getting things the way we want, for the good of others.

i'm sure i need to learn to give.. to give without expecting anything in return.

and i'm so scared of returning to that phase when i absolute can't stand listening to love songs.

God please bless my friends and show them a way out of their troubles.. and while You're at it, don't forget me too..

"You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Isreal, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts off the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Isreal. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's and He will give all of you into our hands."

- David, before facing Goliath. (1 Sam 17:45-47)

amazing aint it.

Here I am, humbled by Your majesty,
Covered by Your grace so free.
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man,
Covered by the blood of the Lamb.

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
Since You laid down Your life,
the greatest sacrifice.

Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty-handed but alive in Your hands.

So here I stand, humbled by the love that You give,
Forgiven so that I can forgive.
So here I stand, knowing that I am Your desire,
Sanctified by glory and fire

And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
Since You laid down Your life,
the greatest sacrifice.

Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty-handed but alive in your hands.

Singing Majesty, Majesty.
Forever I am changed by Your love,
In the presence of Your Majesty.
Majesty.

i think that i've decided.. i will go face all my sins, all my problems. i can't get any nearer to God if there is an obstacle hindering it.. normally would have let is pass but this time its grown too big.

so i'll stop running and go face it..

because i know that i can't escape.

because i'm convicted that without honesty, i'm just being a hypocritic friend. you don't deserve that.

for sure our friendship can never be the same again.

maybe i never can move on..

maybe i'll never find another friend like that.

maybe this is the most selfish decision i've ever made.

but i know i'm setting it right with God.

so i can finally live out of the shadows

so i get closer to canaan land.

so here i am..

been rather emo lately eh? shall stop rolling around in my shithole and dedicate this entry to something else.

this entry is dedicated to a very special someone... ;p

even though we don't see eye to eye most of the time, i hope you know that i love you.. sorry for always being rude and shouting at you. i know that you care, just that you don't know how to show it and i don't know how to accept it.. i wish i could be nicer to you though.. i've resolved many times to treat you better, but my silly temper spoils it after a while.. sometimes i hate it coz i feel that you don't believe in me, but deep down, i know that you'll be proud of me. i'll work for it. i hope you'll find this precious gift God has for us.

just got my NS registration form today..

reminds me that i am reaching a point in life, where what i do or not do may affect what i am for the rest of my life.. rather bad timing, especially as i have been rather down lately.

i landed myself into a shithole. i ever prayed for God to break me down and build me up again, as a creation truly His. i think i am in the breaking/broken down stage right now.

i know its going to hurt. its already hurting terribly right now. am at a stage where even waking up in the morning is a sad thing to do. i know that Lord, you feel my pain. i pray that by grace, you'd exchange some peace for this pain i have.

at a crossroad now. i know i've got certain problems. i don't know if i should make a quiet escape, and hopefully avoid these problems forever, or just face it up and get it over with. either ways, i don't think it's gonna be easy. especially as i won't be the only one affected.

help?