Who the hell are you to tell me what I am
And what's my master plan.
What makes you think that it includes you?
Self-righteous wealth
Stop flattering yourself,
'cause when the smoke clears here I am.
Your reject all-American.

Sucking up you social sect,
making you a nervous wreck.
To hell and back and hell again I've gone.
You're not my type.
Not my type.

What's the difference between you and me?
I do what I want, and you do what you're told.
So listen up and shut the hell up.
It ain't no big deal.
And I'll see you in hell,
'cause when the smoke clears here I am,
your reject all-American.

Falling from grace, right on my face.
To hell and back and hell again I've gone.


i wonder all this is going.. but definitely its heaven bound.. not hell.. totally at a loss as to where this journey's leading before i get to heaven, but let's ride it aye?

haha.. me, my Father and the devil is simply hilarious..

one moment, i'll be whining to the Father like siao, while the devil is beside my ear whispering worse things along the way.. i dunnoe if its just me or the devil loves to pick on me..

well the next moment, i pray and pray and suddenly, the Father pulls the devil away from my side, smacks him in the arse and places him on the ground and ask me to stomp on him.. i gleefully do and when i look up, i realize how big the Father is.. and i wonder why i never keep this glory in sight all the time.. and i find out tt the devil has put an ugly plastic bag over my head.. haha. and it makes re-seeing the Father even more awesome.. woohoo~!

oh and walter thanks for the verse.. haha. and thanks for praying wif me too... oh wells. u know in 2 tim 4:7(right? i always cant remember numbers) Paul talks about fighting the good fight and finishing the race, but he never said about winning the fight or winning the race.. it is the fighting, and racing with faith that won him the crown aint it? i guess tt's something God has been wanting me to learn this year.. 2004 the year of humility.. haha. the most recent RBC(right? again i can't remember stuff la) was about this thing, my entire year was abt this also.. pulled out of my comfort zone to humble me, getting back files with testimonies to humble me, bulletins sent to me to remind me of this, bible randomly flipped to pages to remind me of this, ok i get it Lord.. i need to learn to be humble.. and i'll do this with faith eh? ;p

ok i'll leave with the verse..

2 Tim 4:7,8 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me but also to all who have loved His appearing.

if this is right, then why do i feel so stigmatized?
it's been a few days why can't i find any peace in it even with all the prayers?
why does it feel so downright damned n cursed?
how come i can't see a light at the end of this tunnel?
is this what God wants for me?
why do i feel so totally hated by everyone?
is this so fking wrong?
why do i have so much to ask and to say and i just want to shut up?
why haven't God answered? this wait is terrible..
why do i need Him so much when i want to give for Him?
and what is with this incredible feeling tt i'm both the loneliest person and the biggest failure in the world?
why have You called and not responded when i answered?
why is there so much pain in this?

yes i'm referring to what u think i'm referring to.. would somebody care to shed some light on this?

in the mean time, i gotta pray.. and keep the faith there... tough luck, but God blesses us in ways unknown.

Verse 1:
As for me God came and found me
As for me He took me home
As for me He gave me a family
And I'll never walk alone
In my life I'm soaked in blessing
And in heaven there's a great reward
As for me and my house, we're gonna to serve the Lord!

Bridge:
I've got Jesus, Jesus
He calls me for His own
And He lifts me, lifts me
Above the world I know

Chorus:
God is in the house, there is no doubt
God is in the house, can't keep Him out
As for you (As for you)
As for me (As for me)
We're gonna serve the Lord!

for all the blessings you give, i am so unworthy.. the gratitude i hold i lose sight of, and i miss the point of living with you in my life so often.. for all you've done of me, i am so unworty.. the mystery of grace i cannot contemplate. the wonder of faith i lack.. ur love is wat i so need, and what u have given me.. yet i sin and i stumble.... simply i am not worthy.

but God, thank you for this grace. oh wat grace calls God to die for man?

Jesus.

Amen.

My heart sings praises
Each time I say Your name
This love is deeper
Than simple words can say
You go before me
You make a perfect way
My one desire
Is to give

In my heart
You are the power
In my night
Never failing light
With every breath that I take
I'll declare the things You've done
In my mind
Mighty Overcomer
In my soul
The reason why
In my life
You are the fire that calls me on
You perfect praise

Lord i so need you to help me!

Note to all: as it is the exams period and i currently have got no life, i'm updating this thing rather frequently.. so please do check here often coz if u dun u may just miss some entries and i havent got archives for u to go and look. however, the other solution to this is much preferred..

SOMEBODY HELP ME ADD AN ARCHIVES SECTION!

haha.. alright lets get back to the nonsensical rantings..

hey ben.. hmm i'm sorry if i did offend u.. i'm not saying anyone is inconsistent because the truth is.. NOTHING has happened yet. i was just speculating how it would be if wat i was talking about happens. it was just some random thoughts that came to mind la.. haha.. and i think the previous entry i posted may give some wrong impressions la.. so i'm sorry everyone.. as of now and past, there is no major problem with the leadership. minor have la.. but major nopes. guess why? coz the one really in charge is actualli God! praise Him for tt ;p

the arrangement is pretty good and wise i think, but a little interesting la.. haha. but i'm more than happy with it! coz at the end of the day, i get to play for God and tt is wat and all i wanted..

honestly, i'd prefer to play in yf because well, 1. the music there is more youthful? probably.. and 2. because i'm more comfortable there la.. haha.. admittedly it's quite discomforting to join a whole new society all over again.. hmm but God's been good coz i've been prepared for this already.. if u're wondering, this is actually the 4th whole new environment i haf to adapt to this year!

i dun reallie know wat kinda stuff they sing over at 8am, but i'm sure it's Godly(duh) haha.. but the thing is i've never been to 8am other than communion or youth sunday or something so i really don't know! and i think i don't know anybody from tt service either..

but the arrangement for me n joe to go work with uncle ming yi? is reallie cool coz he is someone tt i can learn from and i guess if i play in yf, i may get even more attention than i already get (being bhb here) and i could just wind up.. i think this arrangement would require me to haf a lot of humility and that is the EXACT thing i've been praying for over the past 2 weeks! no joke here u could read my previous entry if somebody would just help me do the archives.. ;p

i reallie should thank God for all the blessings he's been giving me.. won't talk abt tt now. need to get on with the rest of my night.. but thanks everyone for everything.. really. i haf lots more to say.. just not now i guess..

happy birthday amelia n leah! u could tag a birthday wish on my board if u want.. i'm not saying it'd be fulfilled but just maybe la eh?