ok got an entry but this is gonna be quick since bro's rushing for the com..

well.. need to apologize for the bad behaviour in judo..

ok here it comes.. judo ppl: i'm sorry for being totally not nice when wif u ppl..

i'm ashamed of myself, wanting the best for myself only.. so before anyone scolds me, i'm sorry for being a selfish, childish freak. yup.. the behaviour at the bbq was shocking.. when i was leaving sch walking to the bus stop, i tot abt wat i did for others at the bbq.. and it amounted to nothing! didn't help no one bbq anithing, set fire, clear up, shell prawns, or anithing.... i'm ashamed of myself for being such a greedy pig.. so yes.

Sorry.

Friend of a friend needed a favor
no questions asked, not much more to say
me and the wife, needed money
we got four kids all hungry, one on the way
slip these sweatsocks in your shirt
and pray they think you're packin'
be sure to keep your head down
don't look 'em in the eye
and don't get fancy, Ricky, we ain't Jimmy Cagney
Look at me, let's do the job, and lets get home tonight
I got a half tank of gas
and if we run all the lights
we'll slip across the border
on the wrong side of right
and just like Butch and Sundance, we'll ride until the dawn
sippin' whiskey, singin' cowboy songs
on the right side of wrong
We picked a helluva night
from the shore I see the skyline
in a couple hours from now we're gonna get out of this life
stop for smokes I brought a six pack
stop for lookers on the way back
hell we'll laugh this off keep our fingers crossed it all goes well tonight
I got a half tank of gas
and if we run all the lights
We'll slip across the border
on the wrongs side of right
and just like Butch and Sundance
we'll ride until the dawn
here's to whiskey, here's to singin' cowboy songs
on the right side of wrong
We'll make the break they'll know our names
I need a friend to drive here
wear my necklace of Saint Christopher
I talk to him when I go inside
ill take the suitcase, get the cash and we'll be gone before ya know it
Wait until we tell the girls we're movin' down to the Gulf of Mexico
Friend of a friend needed a favor
Life was just what happened
we were busy makin' plans
Never saw nothin' that was a runnin'
nine millimeter still was comin'
for the windshield of that oldsmobile as the cops said show your hands
I got a half tank of gas
and if we run all the lights
we'll slip across the border
on the wrong side of right
and just like Butch and Sundance
we'll ride until the dawn
sippin' whiskey, singin' cowboy songs
on the right side of wrong
mmmm, the right side of wrong

get wat this song is about? tag da board if u can figure it out... :D

today was one of the better days this week..

haha.. sch was a breeze, as wednesdays usualli is.. well, i retook my NAPFA.. i tell u my body is screwy.. look at my results and the comparison to like two weeks ago...

sit ups - 50 i think i did around the same last time also.. no comments.
Sit & reach - 36cm.. deproved by a whopping 8 cms in two weeks!
Pull ups - 8 increased by 2 tho i didnt train the two weeks after the last test..
SBJ - 227 cm! haha.. if i had gotten this last test, i'd be holding a napfa gold right now.. improved 13 cm..
Shuttle Run - 10.3 .. exactly the same.. but like a full second slower than last year?
2.4 km - the biggest disappointment ever.. 12.35.. can u believe tt? mahipal would be ashamed of me.. deproved by nearly a full minute from last time..

well rationalizing it, its prob coz i completed the whole 6 yes SIX stations in less than 40 mins.. freakin tiring i tell u. my legs were cramping at sit n reach and well, 2.4 was the last station...

ok then after sch, went to cheryl's fren hse. his name is kelvin if i dun remember wrong.. damn cool guy i tell u... he has a jamming studio in his bedroom.. with like 10 guitars? didnt count... and he's a reallie nice guy.. coordinated our jamming and taught me the bass parts for the song. and my God he's patient.. at the rate i was learning, i'd piss myself off.. but yea he's real cool i think.. yeaa.. thank God for creating someone like him... haha.. and for the first time, playing together wif them felt good.. i mean i was happy playing the song wif them and we sounded good....

oh and i wanna become smthing like marty sampson when i grow up.. youth pastor, guitarist, singer, songwriter.. talented and giving it all for God. if i can do tt, i'll live my life with no regrets... cool stuff...

and today i guess was a better day.. after praying and stuff yesterday.. looking around right now, i see so many things to thank Him for...

God just RAWKS!

alright. horrible entry ahead. pls leave if u need to...

i think i'm backsliding.. yeap. i admit tt i am slipping up...

first, i'm void of passion for my ministries.. for youthalpha, been neglecting it a lot... its like when clarice or eric comes to tell me something abt it.. i just wanna switch off.. think i'll talk to eric or somebody to head alpha. i dun think i am ready.. sure i can plan programmes lead ppl to do stuff n such, but i think alpha is too much for me... way much. i'm not ready to take care of these new ppl's life, nt ready to be the frontline for ppl who come to TPMC and be nice. just yesterday during OTFG i could feel myself breaking down.. i can't bring myself to go socialize, or talk to ppl animore...its just hard.

second, i have fallen short of the glory of God, and i am hiding away from Him.. for the second time, during the altar call, even though i didnt want to respond, i could not even worship God during an altar call... and i am rejecting help.. i know if right now somebody came and talk to me, and ask me if i have any problems, i wouldnt open up. i'd just pretend everything is alright..

third, i've been having weird desires recently.. i feel like going to pierce my ear again, go tattoo, and turn gothic... also, i've been feeling bitter to quite a lot of ppl, who were helping me before, and it seems like i am getting reallie arrogant or stuff... i won't bow down willingly animore. i hate tt

fourth, i am getting more insecure.. i'm getting scared to get out of my comfort zone now.. i used to be able to do tt well.. nw i dun dare to animore.. dun dare to talk to new ppl, dun dare to stand up for wats right.. this weekend, been hanging wif kai ngan n junxiong a lot.. tho there are other stuff to be done. staying near them coz they are da comfort zone.. used to be able to talk to others, and find out abt other ppl's life.. nw i can't bother or am scared to do tt...

fifth, i'm backing out of a lot of stuff and finding excuses for it.. just now, clemence daryl lydia amelia an fu and i dunnoe who were going to queensway.. in the end i didnt wanna go coz i wanted to go home and study... i dunnoe but i think i'd haf been happier going.. i think i've been rather mean to ppl too.. yeap. dun wanna mention who but yes i've been... i'm sorry.. i still love u aniwaes.

a song abt my situation. if u bother please read thru it, or go read my final words at the end..


Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
in our souls
Leave the peace alone
Now we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
in our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold are always first to go
And who's to say we won't end up alone
On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
in the same place with all I love
Mend the broken homes
Care for them
they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give will always carry you
And who's to say we won't survive it too
On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long
Set a free all
Relying on their will
to make me all that I am
and all that I'll be
Set a free all
Will fall between the cracks
with memories of all that I am
and all that I'll be
On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

HELP!!!