someone just said i am a nerd. tts not sad, i wish i really was. but that's not the point of this entry..

suddenly i am reminded of ho kit and leon.. just a few days ago, i saw ho kit.. retaking his O's.. he is actually damn smart guy but because of his english, he couldnt pass his O's.. his math is good i tell u.. its the same case with leon.. he's so hardworking tt its scary.. but english.. oh well....

aniwaes when i was making a comeback to being a student in sec three, they were the two ppl i always studied with.. u know, i really miss that even tho it was reallie stressful mugging one month before the exams just not to get retained. but the thing is, it was all genuine.. our working together that is...

helping each other, talking about other aspects of life, making each other work hard at their weakness it all came from da heart. i tell u... that was something.. when we genuinely dared to admit we suck in some stuff and we encouraged and scolded each other. it is something i dun get in CJ now. nope. not a single good friend that i can be brutally honest to... not a good friend to mug like a nerd with.

i realli miss that. somehow, JC life will never be as simple as JC life.. too many hidden agendas, hidden interests lying around. it just sucks. i just hate the school environment... i love to hang out with my pals more. yea..

and there are some little beeetches who are just bitchy. it just sucks. spoilt girls who think the world about themselves. know wat? u can bitch the world for all i care. watever man. (not just referring to school here)

watever.

its a perfectly wonderful thursday morning and i am sitting at home while all the other buggers in singapore are in school studying. reason being: i have decided to drop out of school and be a backpacker for the rest of my life. tonight, i'm leaving.

yea like real. tts just my fantasy.

the real reason i'm home this thurs morning is coz i am feeling sick. i'm so dizzy tt when the dizzy wave hits me, i swear i am elevated ten feet into the air. at least it feels like it. lucky i'm not feeling tt bad now so i can type my wonderful entry.

it all began this morning when i woke up. i walked from my room to the toilet and i stumbled quite a lot along the way, not to mention i had problems walking in a straight line. with my head upon the sink, i wondered if aliens had abducted and put me back just before i wake up. it doesnt feel very good to be dizzy like tt. it has lasted all morning with no fever or watsoever. i just feel lightheaded and nauseous. maybe i'm anaemic. anywats it doesnt feel good to be dizzy.

i think i'm going to throw up. shouldnt have eaten. shucks.

currently trying to get over a crush, as in stop trying to have a crush on someone. it's kinda hard.. the feeling goes away for much of the day and then comes back just so suddenly. and the rudest shock i had was waking up thinking of her yesterday morning. yucks. but 16 yr old boys are bound to have crushes. i mean it is just normal. it is just a guy thing to have crushes, just like it is a guy thing to be gross.

but why do i wanna get over the crush? wats wrong with having a crush. i don't like the feeling of it, since i have decided that i won't do anything abt the crush as in go after her or smhing. sitting back and whining and not doing anything is difficult. sometimes it is just so stupid to restrain ur feelings to. we should have a signboard above our heads that will display "i love you!" to ppl you love. tt way all the love wouldnt have to be kept inside ur head and make u so darn dizzy.

i think i'll get down to doing some work later in the day. like math tutorial. study for physics test. get some more sleep. try to stop thinking about her.

oh yeah. i prayed that if she wasn't meant for me, i'd lose the feelings soon so that i wouldn't hurt too bad for so long. if she is then God will provide the way. and as of now, i still havent ceased feeling. what does that put me?

by the way i'm requesting one day worry free. one whole day, 24 hours, without any stress at all. no alpha stuff to worry abt, no promos to be scared of failing, no ccas which i dun want to attend to attend, nothing to worry about for my friends. just being free and having 24 hours to do watever i want.

i am kinda regretting joining judo by the way. it is fun sometimes, but it seems to be quite a waste of time training. i should have just totally forget about joining sports CCAs. first it was soccer, which i dun even enjoy playin now, and now judo. i think i'd be happier in some fun CCA where we do things only on project based basis. like we finish this event and then wait a while then find another worthy cause to do do another event for. rather than meeting up 2 times a week and wondering what to do. goondoos.

i cant wait to get out of CJ, cant wait to finish my A's and be free of this shit forever. no more having to work with people wearing the same clothes as you and having to attend lessons with the same people all the time. no more fixed curriculum and no more early morning assemblies.

yea watever.

this is so freaky. my com keeps playing love songs coz its in shuffle mode.. and it makes me feel shitty. really really shitty.

i still have this thing about love songs.. even if its a happy one i cant feel happy listening to it.. love songs just makes me sad. why cant ppl sing abt anything other than love? yucks..

this chinese song i'm listening to..

wo ai ni ke shi wo shuo bu chu kou, ying wei bu gai zhao luan ni de meng.. ni yi jing you liao ni xing fu gu shi, wei shen mo wo hai zai cant hear wat the rest is..

it means erm it just seems too corny to translate it. well try to translate it if u're concerned. its xing ru dao ge - ekin cheng

the com just played this song and i was like "hey!" tts me! tts me!

it sucks nt being able to someone hw u feel. but then its coz i dunnoe how i feel. i mean i reallie want to feel something but i feel so dead and so numb abt it. it seems overly rational and too rational to mean anything.

if u r confused, try to understand, so am i.

seems like i have nthing much to say anymore. aniwaes gona study later and breakthru jamming. muz rember to tell parents i wont be home for dinner. well gonna finish my hmwk first before i go out.

koonerd. signing out// ;p