hey, how have you been? i haven't properly talked to you since don't know when....

frozen inside, without your touch, without your love....

maybe if i had trusted you a little more, maybe if i hadn't been so caught up with myself, things could have turned out better...

maybe if all those stuff hadn't happened in my life, i would have known how to treat you better..

maybe if i had put my heart in, it would work out...

but then again, maybe it would never have worked out ever......

i know if i had given you a little more love, things would be much nicer today..

sorry that i can't be that good, that nice....

but i hope that you will know that i care.. past, now and forever.

If i ain't perfect, at least know that i haf been trying to be..

if it seems like i don't care, know that i do..

but what can i do now that u've left?

just smile and move on?

i guess so.......

but the road back is always there for us to take.. or is it?

you've come and you've gone.. sweet memories we have, but the sweetness of those memories only makes life look all the more bitter nowadays...

(This is to all the friends i haf lost touch with... I do miss you ppl..)

First to seek, or to serve?

Mary or martha? haha.. been wondering lots of stuff lately coz haven't gt schoolwork to keep my mind busy.. yea.. so some random thoughts first before i start blogging proper...

As christians what should be our first priority in our relationship with God be? is it to serve in ministry or seek his word? i can't figure tt out.. lets see...

If we serve first, we are doing it for the glory of God.. and we're actually doing His works! so does tt mean we will be more blessed, or wat? or should i say, is tt wat God wants from us?

Word is also very impt.. its the truth and communicating in a relationship with God.. and as we see, wat Jesus said about mary: "she has chosen what is better.... do not take it away from her..."

dunnoe la.. i can't organize my tots again.. lets just talk about my day...

this morning went to church quite early, to set up the stuff for publicity and yea.. got some problems.. i actually got THREE laptops down.. hahahaha... tts for being cautious.. but in the end only 1 could work.. clarence's one... am i lucky or wat? hehz.. i asked from clarice and edmund.. as for ben.. it wasnt me ah.. it was cheryl who asked...

and i felt like a total loser this morning. L-O-S-E-R

then i had to gif this talk thing.. i dun really like speaking in public like tt.. but ok la.. i did it.. thank God nthing bad came out.. hmm.. and response was bad... nobody signed up at the sign up booth today.. but at least i got the 76th whole coy.. so tts like 30+ oredi.. thank God.

then had very long cg.. i talked quite a lot.. felt quite loser again.. yikes... andd got quite disappointed.. really sad that those supposedly "kan qi lai" supposed to be more mature christians in my cg nv tok much abt all those stuff one.. its like they wanna crap.. but when discussing those.. ermm.. God stuff.. they haf nthing to say.. like i dunno la.. from looks i tot they'd be more "mature" christians liao.. dunnoe la.. saddening....

then lunch at some hidden kopitiam.. got back church late and couldn't go 130.. so waited for it to end then sat in the e-team meeting... hmm.. its one of the best groups i've worked with.. yeap.. next oasis is gonna be good!

and i think i'm getting too much commitments again.. but i guess tt's good.. still manageable.. and i won't haf much time to hu si luan xiang... yea..

and i feel lost again.. i hate this feeling.. and i'm getting scared... argh.. save me can?